I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
