I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
