After last night, I could never be a politician.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
