Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
