What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
