Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You need Xanax blowdarts
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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