Capitaan dildo arrescate!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
