The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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