Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
