so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
