I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Randomize
