sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
