Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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