we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
