im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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