I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
