So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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