Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
