she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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