Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
