His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just cropdusted the office
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
