He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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