Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
