Where did you get a picture of my penis
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
