What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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