The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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