Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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