literally had 100 drinks last night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
