Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
