Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
