This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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