but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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