How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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