But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
