dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
