I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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