I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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