I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
