i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
