I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
