The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
