Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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