when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I bet he comes in French.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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