so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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