Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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