Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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