Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
