you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
