Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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