Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
