So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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