I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
