I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
