id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
