i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
