Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
