My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The uberlube is also flammable
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
