So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
