I'm so fucking centered right now
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
