It's a beautiful day for a hangover
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
All the doctor said was why
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
