Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
