you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
