My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
