i was born a porn star she said
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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