Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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