Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
