Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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