The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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